i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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