you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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