I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
