She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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