exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
