you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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