What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
