I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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