i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
