I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
