I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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