How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
