He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
