My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
