yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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