i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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