Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
