My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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