While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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