Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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