after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
