i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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