amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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