Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
