morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
