Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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