how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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