So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
