theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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