i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
