I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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