Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
