At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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