My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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