My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
