Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
