So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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