There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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