You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
