just come out here and I will go home with you...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
