Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
