Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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