My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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