Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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