i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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