U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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