How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
