So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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