Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
