You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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