I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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