And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
