I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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