Swine flu. Run for my life!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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