omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
