i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
