I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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