i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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