I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
