I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
