WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
