so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
