I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize