like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
