I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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