I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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