EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
