At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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