Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
