hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
