take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
