don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
