I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
