Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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