Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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