Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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