i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
