your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
