so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
