remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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