super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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