One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
